A Tic Tac?

Yep. They say you are as big as a Tic Tac. Your brain is developing. Your arms are growing. Your face is becoming more like a face. What more could we ask for? Your mama is feeling somewhat sick. Somewhat tired. That soon will pass. We're waiting. Waiting for you.

The Second Time

In August of 2006, Mike and Dryscha attempted IVF for the first time. We found out that they were expecting, and in early October, we found out that they were expecting triplets. Research mode kicked in and it didn't take me long to realize that a triplet pregnancy was very high risk. Since it was not spontaneous, that made it even more high risk.

One evening in October, Jordan came over. I thought it odd and asked her why she wasn't at work. She made a comment about taking the evening off. Later she told me that she was pregnant, but was in the process of loosing the baby. My first thought was how in the world would I deal with her pregnancy along with Dryscha's. I vividly remembered the weeks preceding the birth of Jocelyn. The next day we went for an ultra sound. As the tech moved the wand around, I knew what I was looking for and also knew I didn't see it. Jordan asked and the tech unsympathetically told her that her doctor would give her the results.

It was obvious within the next few days that Jordan would indeed miscarry this little life. Jordan already knew this baby. Had dreams for this baby. Had hopes for this baby. The rest of us did not. It was several months later that I came to the realization that this child would be 'missing' for the rest of our lives. Only by then it was too late.

Week Six

We have a lot of weeks to wait for you, but this is the hospital that you will be born in. Guess what?! I get to be there too! I got to be there when both of your sisters were born, and your birth will be no less special.

When I was a little girl, we would go to some pond areas and collect tadpoles. That is what you look like this week. A tadpole! You will never turn into a frog though.
Your arms are like little buds, and your heart is beating although we cannot hear it.

Tomorrow night you older sister is coming for the night. It is something she loves to do. We haven't had your younger sister yet, but her turn is coming too. Someday, it will be your turn as well. We love you. We are waiting for you.

Week Five

A new week in your developing life! Your heart begins to beat this week. How can someone say you are not a person? Your heart is beating beneath that of your mother, just as her heart beat beneath mine. Your will have two sisters. This week they decided to model some tutus I made. If you are a little girl, I will have one waiting for you.

The First Time - Part 2

I didn't sleep that Friday night. I knew Patrick gave me a specific time when I could go to the hospital, but early the next morning I called. I told them I didn't want to over-ride my son in law, but I was worried. They told me, 'Honey, you are her mother. You get in here right now.' So I did.

Jordan was disoriented. She was still hooked up to IV's and in a darkened room away from everything else. We talked and I told her she needed to be honest with her doctor about some issues. She thought I meant because she was dying. As the day progressed, they took away the breast pump because that was one of the issues causing stress. Her mother in law brought Jocelyn up, felt the tension, and left. Patrick was at their home working with Bob on a gas leak that needed attention. The doctor came in and talked to Jordan about going home. She was scared. She was unready. I told her I would spend the night at their house if that would make her feel better. After all, it wasn't the first time I had that week.

The days, weeks, months progressed. Not a lot changed. It appeared that the life had been sucked out of Jordan. Gone was the care-free girl that once was. It did not affect her parenting of Jocelyn and for that I am thankful. Normally, delivery of the baby is the only cure for pre-eclampsia. In Jordan's case, the problems did not stop with delivery. It was six to 8 months down the road before some sense of normalcy returned.

The First Time - Part 1

It seems like just yesterday that Jordan brought a stack of pictures to show me. As I was looking through them, there was one I couldn't figure and I asked her what it was. It was a positive pregnancy test. She immediately burst into tears upset because she was pregnant and Dryscha was not.

Jordan told me soon after that she and Patrick wanted me with them in the delivery room. I got every book I could get my hands on. Watched videos. Took notes. Went to childbirth class with her. I was determined to be a good labor coach. The best I could be.

Three weeks before her due date, Jordan called and said that there were some blood pressure problems. They admitted her to the hospital and were running some tests. Due to pre-eclampsia,it was determined that they needed to induce labor and deliver the baby. Because of her blood pressure, we could not use any of the techniques we had practiced. Jordan was dead set against an epidural and early the next afternoon they told her they needed her to have one. It was a bleak time. She had been doing so well, but her labor was not progressing and I honestly feel they were prepping her for a possible c-section.

One of the deals I made with Jordan was that I would take pictures of all of them together after the baby was born and then leave so that they could be together as a family. Patrick was then to call us when she was in her regular room so that we could go up and see the baby again.

It was late when the call came. Too late for us to go up that night. I was disappointed but it never entered my mind that it was due to complications. When we went up the next day Jordan said that she shook so hard for several hours. She could not even hold the baby. Of course Patrick was attending to Jocelyn and Jordan felt all alone. She said she wished I would have stayed so that I could have been with her, but none of us could have forsaw that this would happen.

Jordan was released two days later. The first day home was intended for them to be a new family so I did not go over. I went over the next day and she was upset about something that had happened the previous day but I felt that they needed to deal with the situation because they had allowed it to happen. She needed a hair trim so I was going to take her to get that done.

While at the salon, she stated she really did not feel well. She called the doctor and then decided that she felt so horrible she wanted me to take her there immediately. I did and she was still having blood pressure problems.

The following day, she began feeling bad again so they took her to the emergency room. She was there until early the next morning. This continued throughout the week. I was stressed. She was miserable. Patrick probably wondered what in the world had happened. Finally on Friday, they once again had to go to the hospital. The doctor decided to admit her. Originally, I was going to keep Jocelyn. Patrick then changed his mind and wanted me to take her to the hospital so his mother could care for her. I went up and was shocked to see Jordan in an isolated room with a lot of equipment. I asked a nurse I knew how Jordan was and she said that she was one sick little cookie. Patrick had given me a time when I could visit the next day. I went home that night in despair, not knowing if I would see her alive again.